Afbeelding
“The four of us are no more.” These are the words of Michael Oort (56) from Winchester, Massachusetts referring to an incomprehensible tragedy. Last Sunday he received the news that his youngest child and kitesurfing buddy, Mieke (21) had been fatally stabbed in her student residence on Tweebaksmarkt in Leeuwarden, Netherlands. Two hours later he boarded a plane from Boston to Amsterdam with his wife Celine (58) and their eldest daughter Danique (24). “There is no hole deep enough to hold our sorrow.”
Devastated and heartbroken, the three of them sit around a wooden table on Friday afternoon in the lobby of Notiz, the NHL Stenden hotel at the university where Mieke was a third-year student. They are eager to talk about their brave daughter and sister so that everyone will know how extraordinary she was. They also want to warn young people and their parents about the dangers of social media and particularly online dating apps, since Mieke met the 27-year-old suspect of the fatal stabbing on Tinder.
Their youngest daughter Mieke was very shy and withdrawn as a child. "She looked at the world from behind my skirts," Celine says. While her eldest daughter went out a lot, Mieke preferred to stay at home with her mother. Learning was also challenging for her, so during her senior year Celine and Michael decided to look for further educational opportunities beyond the competitive and individual focus that is typical in the American higher education system. Their focus turned to the Netherlands, the country where Michael was born and still has a lot of family.
In February 2019, Celine and Mieke visited an open house at NHL Stenden in "the beautiful small town" of Leeuwarden. They were very attracted to the educational principle of design-based education which involves learning by trying and doing. Mieke started studying leisure & event management in the fall of that year. At first, she struggled with being so far from home, but eventually she blossomed. ‘Sparkling’ is what teachers and fellow students called her, as well as diligent, kind, and wise.
“When she dared to step out of her comfort zone I saw her grow," says Danique. Her sister surprised their family by taking the lead in (college) assignments, something she never had dared to do back home in America. During the memorial service that the university organized on Thursday afternoon, the master of ceremonies said: “Mieke sprinkled glitter everywhere.” "This is so true," her father said. "She didn't do that to mask anything, but to make things happier and more beautiful."
Last year Mieke went back home to Winchester for a while. She felt lonely during the COVID-19 pandemic and decided to attend online classes from her parents’ home. According to her mother, this was impossible because of the different time zones. “She was attending online lectures at one or two o'clock in the morning." So Mieke flew back to Leeuwarden last September. Danique: “Before she left, she spent an evening with me and my friends. We went dancing and had so much fun. That was the last time I saw her."
In recent months, it seemed to Michael and Celine that their daughter had settled in again. She had two roommates with whom she got along wonderfully. Celine: “She often cooked for them and would call me from time to time to ask for one of my Malaysian family recipes.”
In previous years Mieke would fly home in December to celebrate Christmas with her family. Since she had recently been home for a long period of time and knowing her mother was planning to come visit in April, she decided to stay in Leeuwarden for the holidays. It was during that period that she met the man from Leek on Tinder who is suspected of the stabbing. Her parents and sister believe that she was lonely. Danique: “Tinder is the quickest way to feel better considering all the people who give you compliments. That feels good, and because everyone uses it, you don't see the dangers."
“Seeing danger is generally not something young adults are good at”, says Michael. “Research confirms that the brain is not fully developed until you are about 25 years old. Until then, you're at an age where you do stupid things and don't necessarily make the right choices. When your child starts college and begins to behave very maturely, it is easy for parents to forget this."
Celine: “Everyone can pretend to be someone different on social media. Photos don’t reveal whether someone has bad intentions.” Michael and Celine underestimated how obsessive the 27-year-old from Leek was with their daughter. He stalked her, but Mieke said little about this, not even to friends.
Celine and Michael believe that more attention should be given to the dangers that are present for young adults on social media. They are calling on higher education organizations to address this subject. "Teach students to recognize the signals of extreme behavior and teach them to communicate with each other about it."
Coincidentally, Mieke had just emailed her father the draft of a paper she wrote about Tinder. "Isn't that ironic? Equally ironic is that the university accommodated us in this beautiful hotel. Mieke would have loved it, along with the beautiful weather we’ve had the past few days, and beautiful sunrises. This is also ironic as these are things Mieke really enjoyed.”
Mieke’s beloved adopted home, NHL Stenden in Leeuwarden where she blossomed in her college experience, will greatly miss her kindness and joy. Thank you Mieke.
Celine, Michael and Danique will soon fly home and Mieke's urn will go with them.
Source: Leeuwarder Courant